Saturday, December 11, 2010

Christmas Dinner

Christmas Dinner

For Christmas I would like a big fat turkey
Equipped with big breasts and long legs to go with my hardy beef jerky
The accompaniment of corn and peas would also be nice
Garnished with puff pastry and a heaping service of Indian wild rice

A cool glass of white wine should flank the plate
Imagine the escaping gas as my bum begins to dilate
In comes the second serving of Gulf Coast lobster
A special three-clawed delicacy packaged by the Big Petroleum mobster

Crack the first claw and find Madoff’s old Versace attire
Crack the second claw and find a bale of rolled up barbed wire
The third claw contains the remains of a skeletal Haitian
What an awfully strange Christmas crustacean

I just can't wait for that tantalizing dessert
Fried monkey balls complimented with a light chocolate squirt
Golly, mamma reminded me of the vanilla ice cream
To top it all off, rice pudding would make the end of dinner incredibly supreme

Now imagine letting all that fine food ferment
A good belch would mark the room with a heavenly scent
But I cannot be a boor, I must show some class and style
First a shot of bourbon to make sure that water-logged pecker remains fertile

Light up a cigar dipped in a Grand Marnier wash
Feet up on the Lazy-boy would make me look extremely panache
A cunning smile would introduce the expulsion of that awaiting hardy burp
The pants all a flutter as the behind begins its musical chirp

Christmas dinner sounds simply divine
Great food accompanied by a nice bottle of Chardonnay wine
Enjoy the night in the company of family and many a good friend
With a bathroom brawl and a royal flush is how it would end.

Thank you,
Joseph Pede

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