Monday, March 28, 2011

Breaking News – New Gospel Found

Not Seven Trumpets but rather seven Tubas!

Pope Benedict recently announced that European Monarchs and Aristocrats are seeking children of all ages for human sacrifice. The Planet’s demise is not keeping pace with royal protocol. Prince Christoff was heard remarking Nuts, Nutsy, Nazi or something like that.

Portugal is urging all OECD nations to participate in the big Chorizo sale. Portugal has decided to unload all its pork in lieu of issuing more sovereign bonds. The move will have a double whammy. Neutralize the Kosher Cock-roaches in the House of Rothschild and start the “runs” in Europe.

Japan has finally surrendered. It took 66 years for America to stop its nuclear attack on Japan. Emperor Hirohito who now glows in the dark and is polyorchid announced that the Japanese no longer have a “yen for sushi”.

Mubarak’s financial advisor told him to hang-in for a couple of weeks - wait until they start playing G.I. Joe with Syria and then they can transfer the $40 billion to a Texas bank. Gaddafi’s double has announced that the CIA gave him a terrible nose job. He complained that Saddam’s body double hung so well.

The World Health Organization made an important announcement on WKRP in Cincinnati. The new killer virus known as CRKP has a kill rate of 40%. Pete Rose is betting the vaccine will have a kill rate of 90%.

The USA is in great shape. Please refer to www.usdebtclock.org for the real statistics. 17.5% unemployment, 1.6 million bankruptcies and over one million foreclosures in the first 3 months of 2011. Another 8 million estimated foreclosures being stalled by the banking system, 14% of the population is on food stamps and the Department of Homeland Security is looking to buy blankets for the 10% of the 90,000,000 people who are estimated to die in a major earthquake. Biden wants to impeach Obama, Rockefeller may want to make him a martyr and the American people simply want to know what happened to their “loose change”. The Federal Reserve is working on it.

And lastly we have our good friend Stephen Harper. Apparently he will not be attending the royal wedding for political reasons. He stated that while the election will be a minor inconvenience he does expect to see William and Kate at the next Bohemian Grove sacrifice. Apparently Bush and Clinton are going to have a really big surprise for Prince Charles and Phillip. My hunch is glow in the dark Geishas. KEEP HARPER OUT OF THE PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICE. WHAT YOU SEE WILL NOT BE WHAT YOU GET.

I thought it was illegal to drive a vehicle while intoxicated. Why are so many people going through life with blinders? New brains are now on sale at Wal-Mart. Re-furbished brains are 50% off. Trade-ins get a further 1% discount.

Thank you,
Joseph Pede

No comments: