Friday, April 8, 2011

Dead Weight

Dead Weight

For decades people have been transporting a burdensome ten pound object from place to place. This object is covered by a thin protective outer layer of molecular magma to ensure that the rain and sun do not distort its functionality. Thankfully it has been designed with a multi-port venting system. This object’s inner core would in fact resemble compressed bovine intestines. We haul this object to and fro, seldom acknowledging its incredible potential. Sadly it has become plugged, just like a toilet bowl. This object happens to be your head. Below is a scrambled puzzle. Please place the words next to the individual they best describe.

Rebel with a cause – Hu Jintao
Terrorist of unknown proportions – Barack Obama
Protestor without a voice – Muammar Gaddafi
Infidel in waiting– Stephen Harper
Radical cool cucumber Cossack– Vladimir Putin
Fanatic with a fanciful vocabulary – David Cameron
Activist looking for her Fuhrer and money - Angela Merkel
Revolutionary fool with a metal garter around his neck – Nicolas Sarkozy
Insurgent subjected to silence – Joseph Biden
Dissident of doom – George Bush (either one)
Extremist sex maniac – Silvio Berlusconi
Fundamentalist philosopher with no stones– Zbigniew Brzezinski
Militant maniacal murderer – Henry Kissinger

Do you remember your grade school math? How about when you were first introduced to “long division”? This fully describes the age old adage of “divide and conquer”.

If you take an economic catastrophe and divide it with unemployment you get poverty, take poverty and introduce war so we get soldiers who will die for a dollar, then take all this death and introduce an environment that will generate super-diseases, then impact Mother Nature so we can create geological cataclysms and finally bring God back into the equation by dividing “morals” with abortion.

Here is a solution. I wish to exclude China and Russia in this game for the time being. The results would be catastrophic. There are approximately 300,000,000 Americans. I would estimate that 50,000,000 adult Americans possess guns. At your next football game, church gathering, bar get-together, poverty rally or mortgage foreclosure seminar get to know your fellow Americans. On the first of July you should “all” get together in Washington, DC.

With an army of 50,000,000 guns all your problems should be solved. America, you do have the right to bear arms and you are long due for a revolution. I’d really like for “you all” to read the poem I wrote in June of 2010, entitled “The Oil Spill” – it’s in my September, 2010 blog.

Thank you,
Joseph Pede

No comments: