“Osama Been Laiden” - Breaking News!
News updates on Osama’s whereabouts during the time of his demise are being updated by the minute. Summarizing what has been presented so far; he was in a secluded palace, in the company of his wife and was unarmed
during this incredibly heroic American raid. Here is what is known,
1. Osama was watching “The Apprentice” in a lavender coloured thong.
2. His facial hair had been trimmed with only bushy side-burns remaining - the 60’s look. He looked fabulous in pink finger nails.
3. His wife was dressed as a belly dancer. She had a cap on her head with an image of George Bush prominently displayed. Replica bronze pins of the twin towers were dangling from her nipples. She was facing the TV when she yelled, “Your fired Donald Trump” and then said to Osama “be laiden”?
4. When American soldiers knocked on the palace door they remarked, “Pizza Delivery, it’s time to party”. Mickey and Minnie were not amused by the late night guests.
5. Needless to say Osama was delighted with the company. A harem of vestal virgins was brought in from the Israeli embassy. Netanyahu’s briefcase held a concealed atom bomb. It was named “Child of Roth”.
6. Kissinger later dropped in with his 12 year boy toy and a rope. The rope to keep up his doo-hickey. He loves using it as bait.
7. Steven Spielberg was flown in from Hollywood to direct the bombing, capture and Osama kill scene. Stanley Kubrick was unavailable.
8. With all the booze the troops began calling Bin Laden, President Osama. This infuriated Michelle. She attended the party at the last minute.
9. The Army Captain chuckled when he asked Osama if he wanted to be thrown head first into the water. He felt the “mooning” effect would have been far too dramatic. They did not want Osama looking like a big ass-hole.
These events have been confirmed by high ranking intelligence dummies. The film footage remains unavailable. George Bush Sr. was heard remarking that he would release the double-feature film presentation, entitled “JFK & OBL – The Perfect Murders” when the Queen farts.