Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Condominium

The Condominium

Today, many people gravitate towards a condominium purchase, even though prices and maintenance fees continue to increase for less and less space. The higher you go the more you pay. This brings me to a topic which amuses me every time my family and I visit the cemetery. If you have not chosen a ground burial there are three other choices available to you.

One choice is cremation. While this option frees up land space, it does create a carbon footprint. Amusingly, Jack Layton left our paradise in a manner contrary to his party’s green mandate. Another option is the crypt, or as my father calls it, the “condo”. When you purchase a crypt, the lower to the ground you are the more you pay. Kind of ironic when you consider God is closer to the top. I guess looking up would give friends and family a headache when visiting - so the increased price is for the guests and not the residents. What really irks me is that most cemeteries do not allow pets to walk the grounds. Man’s best friend is prohibited from visiting his best friend. What’s wrong with the family pet peeing on a gravestone or pooping on the grave of a real troublesome stiff? I am convinced that animals could identify the trouble makers on the other side as well. After all they do have a sixth sense.

The last method involves having the deceased individual lay in a bath of lye. While still not a popular method, it is a greener solution. The lye eats away at all the flesh and leaves a boney skeleton for you to hang in your closet. This will allow the family dog to bury you, bone by bone.

Thank you,
Joseph Pede

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