Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Covid-19 has killed “Courtin & Spoonin”

Covid-19 has killed “Courtin & Spoonin” 

I suspect the misery being experienced by singles during this lockdown can be described as an erectly dysfunctional horror story and an hormonal holocaust. In part, this ongoing  simulation in chaos theory is measuring lust, love and longing. Suppressing the sexual desires of so many adolescents (i.e. testosterone-filled male penises and pulsating female vulvas) may result in many a happy ending when Covid-19 is over, or the end of sexual desire as we have known it. 

Covid-19 has become the quintessential condom. The surge in sexually transmitted diseases in this country may actually be on the decline. 

But oh the massage. It stimulated our muscles, relaxed our nerves and for some acted as an aphrodisiac for the libido. The happy ending once available at so many spas around the corner has met a sterilized and untimely ending. The Asian spa attendant is now confined to her small apartment counting her dwindling supply of twenty dollar bills. Fifty dollar bills if she was exceptionally talented.

Dating apps, websites and services have had to transform their platforms to virtual dating, or as it is termed, e-dating. Couples can now opt to communicate via video chat. Perhaps this hibernation has allowed individuals to rediscover one’s ability to verbally communicate with another person, rather than text chat. Is it not wonderful that people are rediscovering the English language or language of their choice?

What this isolation means is that the waxed bikini line, or shaved jewels have succumb to a hairy environment. Armpits and legs have become nesting grounds for ants and spiders. Razor blades are carefully tucked away and the old plucker serves no purpose. Was it not amusing when cavemen could drag their loved across an open field to make love. Hair once served such a wonderfully romantic purpose.

For the many lonely and sexually deprived singles I can only offer this orgasmic advice - rediscover your middle finger.

Thank you,
Joseph Pede

No comments: